B>

I am definitely a daddy’s girl. My dad has always been a superhero in my eyes.  I’ve always felt a sense of security and a sense of stability with his words of advise. I am blessed to have a father that loves God, loves his wife and loves his children.  He is the type of dad that made it easy for my brother to become a great man by his example.  He has made it hard for me to make decisions on which man should be in my life as a partner and husband because of the man that I have seen as my father.

I believe that over time we have diminished the value of the role father. We haven’t really thought through the generational effect having babies with different men would have on our children. Some of us and I mean “us”, me included, were in the heat of a moment with a person probably should have been treated as a temporary companion but we made long-term generational decisions on our lives because we didn’t consider the rest of the story beyond that moment . We as mothers may finally meet the day that the truth is revealed that we will not last forever, but our child is here, and belongs to us both. Overtime we look back on the moment and then the struggle with trying to collaborate in efforts to raise this amazing offspring together when we can’t even have a legitimate conversation anymore. So we have settled for stepfathers and father figures and mentors and anything else to help us as mothers nurture and raise our babies. In the back of our minds we say, “I’m going to make it alright the best way I can”. We bring them into a world that will confuse us as adults moreover our children who are innocently becoming who they will be regardless of the circumstances.

I believe that as a result we have curated a culture of instability, disenfranchisement, and a crisis of lack of self identity in our children because we have made decisions on our families based on the way we “felt” at the moment without considering the way our children will learn to feel about our actions toward their father.

 I believe that God placed an anointing for leadership and protection in a man who is honored with the stewardship of Father. Some of the issues with fatherhood today are that this stewardship is not fully understood for whatever reason. Perhaps there was no one to guide, maybe there was no one in their lives to show them and teach them what a great father does. However I am willing to bet that deep inside of every man who is a father lies a desire to be a great leader and protector and somewhat of a hero for his children. I feel it is God-ordained because its an inescapable feeling of responsibility they have inside of them regardless of their life circumstances that they have to make sure that they teach their children what they have learned about life.

I was only 18 years old when I had my phenomenal daughter. I was in a relationship with her father for a very short time. Although that relationship ended the fact that she is his daughter never ends. I could have been the type of mother that demonized her father and told her all kinds of things about him that were negative, but I chose not to be that kind of mother to her.  He is her dad regardless of how I felt and I honor the role he has as “Father” in her life. The fact that I honor my own father contributed greatly to my decision to leave the dignity of the role father up to him to either sink or swim.   Too many times we annihilate even the opportunity for fathers to grow up, learn from their mistakes or even mature by vilifying them. 

As a young mother with a 2 year old I met my ex-husband and we had two sons.  My ex-husband was my daughter’s stepfather and we raised all three children together with an understanding that we are parents.  Later in our marriage we realized that we were not really great spouses but we were effective parents. That’s when we were introduced to the dynamic of co-parenting.  Regardless of the animosity we had for one another, our commitment to co-parenting is the most important reason to unify with our efforts in leading and guiding our kids. I am now in a relationship with a man who has two children.  Although they are practically grown and raised, He is still a devoted father with that same desire instilled inside of him to lead and protect his children.  As his girlfriend, I honor that in him.  I support co-parenting with him and the mothers of his children from the background.  I am not stepping into a role as a mother because that is not who I am.  I am their dad’s girlfriend who is there to support him and his inclination to be the father he is ordained by God to be in the lives of his children.  I believe that my foundational understanding for the role father influences my judgment under the various circumstances.

Fathers carry an unavoidable responsibility and crucial role on his life. Regardless of whether or not he accepted the responsibility early or he ran away from it and went into hiding, there are some deposits in a child that only their father can make because he is the only one designed to do it.  Yes we have fathers that are not ready, some really aren’t fit, others may need counseling themselves, and there are some that haven’t a clue what to do with a child, but that does not clear them of God’s accountability to them as the father of their children.

Over years as mothers, wives, girlfriends etc. we have become accustomed to improvising and rigging the fatherhood role with friends, cousins, mentors, and father figures to help raise our children. Some of our children have “turn out alright” regardless of the circumstances with their father, but far too many of them are left out there searching and seeking fulfillment in their lives that their father could bring. The question I have is, when do we stop rigging and improvising?  When do we accept responsibility for the role we have played in the father not having a chance to be dad? When do we as women grow past the emotions of it all and lead the effort in the restoration of our child’s relationships with their dad? Given the condition our communities across the nation are in, shouldn’t we try approaching the idea of fatherhood by restoring the virtue back into the honor of the role? Maybe we would rethink who we make babies with in the first place.  We should ask ourselves, “Is this man worthy of my lifetime commitment to raising his children regardless of what happens to us as a couple?” If the answer is no then sisters TAKE responsibility and protect you and your future from that commitment. 

This Fathers Day, I challenge every reader to take a step toward honoring fatherhood. If you can reach your father, reach him and speak to him, listen to him. If your children have not spoken to their father, give them a chance to simple say hello. Remember the God given power in the role father and do your best to see it to restoration for the sake of your children and the generations after them.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY to EVERY Father reading this post. May The Lord give you the courage to accept responsibility for this amazing stewardship of Fatherhood. May you rise to challenge with a greater level of power, authority, strength, maturity, and intellect for your children. I pray that the leader in you align with the grace that God has for you to succeed in this role as father and your children and heirs to your legacy. God Bless you and your family.